It’s not always as simple to induce orgasm during sex as the movies make it seem. Although a lot of it is mental, many individuals still have trouble finding the right amount of relaxation and enjoyment during vaginal intercourse. Don’t worry if you’ve tried several various strategies to get a good “O” with your companion but to no effect. For a solution to the question “How can I make sex feel better?” that many people who have never been able to experience an orgasm through vaginal intercourse have requested, we spoke to our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman of Good Vibrations.
Doctor Glickman’s response: “The most crucial thing to understand is that the majority of women—up to 70%, according to certain studies—need some kind of clitoral stimulation in order to experience an orgasm. So if you fall into that category, my first recommendation is that you try clitoral stimulation in addition to vaginal intercourse. It’s a terrific method to make sure you get the sensations that push you over the edge, whether you use your fingers, your partner’s fingers, or a vibrator. Remember that most women are in the same situation as you are, and there is nothing wrong with it if you or your spouse believe that you “shouldn’t” need to.
Some women appreciate using a dildo for practice while engaging in some solo exploring. That may be useful in a few different ways. First off, it eliminates any partner expectations. You are free to act however you choose without worrying about what others may think. The ability to play with varying speeds, angles, and positions enables you to find ways to achieve similar experiences with a partner.
If you find sex or other vaginal penetration uncomfortable, it’s worth mentioning. For instance, if your body’s natural lubrication is insufficient, having sex may irritate or burn you, especially if you’re using condoms. (Condoms friction is more than skin.) Contrary to popular assumption, vaginal lubrication does not always indicate someone’s level of arousal. Numerous drugs, such as antihistamines and antidepressants, as well as smoking and alcohol, can lower it. I therefore strongly advocate using a small amount of lubricant to increase slipperiness. You might be amazed at how much better things feel as a result.
Of course, there is also the matter of how much excitement you experience before penetration. Before having sex or engaging in other forms of penetration, many women feel that sexual massage or oral sex can be quite helpful. In fact, some women claim having an orgasm before anything enters their bodies is ideal for them. Penetration may cause them to experience another orgasm, or it may not, but either way, it frequently makes them feel better.
Just as performance anxiety can make getting an erection difficult for males, it can also make getting arousal and an orgasm difficult for women if you or your partner are feeling any pressure or judgment about whether you have an orgasm during penetration. It may be more difficult to relax into orgasm if you feel more under pressure or goal-oriented. So my advice is to find methods to indulge in whatever forms of sex feel pleasurable to you. Additionally, you never know; you might occasionally be shocked.”
Note from the editor: At POPSUGAR, we understand that not just women but people of all genders and identities have vaginas. We spoke with specialists who commonly referred to those with vaginas as women for this particular subject.